kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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