i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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