I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
