Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I CAN MOONWALK!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
