I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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