i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
