My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
