Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
