Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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