I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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