Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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