cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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