If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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