so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
