If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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