we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
