No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
