he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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