Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
