Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
