I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
