Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
