I didn't shave. On purpose
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My life is pants optional.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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