Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize