Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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