one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
