Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
