I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
