i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
