so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
