but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
