Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
