i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
