Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
