yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
