All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
