He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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