he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
