My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
