Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize