Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
