My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm at about main and main street
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
