We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
