shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
