I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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