he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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