well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
