you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
