If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
