You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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