i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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