I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
