but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
