actually, I'm a sock model
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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