Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
