She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
