I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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