Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
