its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
