is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
