That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
