return my video game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
