I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
