Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
