at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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