the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
