Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i think i just lost a toe
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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