Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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