I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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