So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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