Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
