I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize